Eloquence: TSN fic, gen, Mark+Eduardo
Apr. 9th, 2011 02:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
feminesqueI wrote this maybe two weeks ago, in a notebook, pretty much word-for-word. I feel like I just passed a kidney stone. It's been a long ass time since I wrote something that I haven't let sit on my hard drive. Reasons for that will no doubt become clear shortly. So nervous. Concrit is awesome.
Eloquence
g, Mark+Eduardo
the social network
Set in the space between the opening scene and Facemash.
Disclaimer: This is a transformative work which is based on the characters portrayed in a transformative work which was based on another transformative work. Baudrillard would have loved that. To wit: not true; please don’t sue.
Erica is bright; smart in a human way. Mark likes her, likes her for that. She reminds him of
Eduardo is going to get punched by a final club. If Mark were a final club he’d punch Eduardo as soon as was decent. He’d take Eduardo
Away.
Eduardo will get punched and Mark won't and Eduardo will go, drift, leave.
Mark doesn’t know how to stop people leaving. He’s tried before and they just seem to hurry away.
It scares him. He’s afraid. He’s not going to get punched.
Eduardo will. He’ll get punched and drift, rise up like a. Like
Mark tries to explain. It comes out all wrong.
So very wrong.
And Erica hurries away.
He’s not really an asshole. He’s trying to hold on; stop the drift.
Facemash is. It’s something. Code is a way to focus the bitterness, the rage, the loneliness. Code is a language he speaks fluently. Several dialects. He can wield it, make things with it.
Impressive.
He can speak it perfectly. It says what he means. Write a command and it either works or it doesn’t. If it doesn’t, you go back. You fix it.
Say something wrong and lose things, people. Irreparable mark-up. Damage. No edit function.
Or not irreparable, but done. Cannot be undone. Only more words help, the right words.
Mark doesn’t know the right words. He’s clumsy. Light on his feet but a bumbling oaf over the short distance from his brain to his mouth.
I want you to stay should come out of his mouth. It’s in his brain. Running, buzzing, humming. An infinite loop of
Don’t leave me behind.
and
Please. Please don’t leave me. Please do not go.
Do you? Do you just say it like that? Can you?
Mark Cannot. Can. Not.
So: hack. Download. Compile. Code. Clear, precise language he knows how to speak better than anybody. Builds real, measurable things of use. Value. But
An algorithm.
A memento. Before the drift accelerates and Eduardo is too far away. A piece of him tucked into all that code where it cannot move or change, where it cannot be corrupted. Where it cannot be broken.
Unlike dreams or promises. Hearts. People.
Mark.
Who is broken and cannot be fixed.
Open window. Ctl+f. Delete. Fixed.
And it stays that way.
No change. No drift. No punch. No leaving.
Fixed.
Perfect.
Eloquence
g, Mark+Eduardo
the social network
Set in the space between the opening scene and Facemash.
Disclaimer: This is a transformative work which is based on the characters portrayed in a transformative work which was based on another transformative work. Baudrillard would have loved that. To wit: not true; please don’t sue.
Erica is bright; smart in a human way. Mark likes her, likes her for that. She reminds him of
Eduardo is going to get punched by a final club. If Mark were a final club he’d punch Eduardo as soon as was decent. He’d take Eduardo
Away.
Eduardo will get punched and Mark won't and Eduardo will go, drift, leave.
Mark doesn’t know how to stop people leaving. He’s tried before and they just seem to hurry away.
It scares him. He’s afraid. He’s not going to get punched.
Eduardo will. He’ll get punched and drift, rise up like a. Like
Mark tries to explain. It comes out all wrong.
So very wrong.
And Erica hurries away.
He’s not really an asshole. He’s trying to hold on; stop the drift.
Facemash is. It’s something. Code is a way to focus the bitterness, the rage, the loneliness. Code is a language he speaks fluently. Several dialects. He can wield it, make things with it.
Impressive.
He can speak it perfectly. It says what he means. Write a command and it either works or it doesn’t. If it doesn’t, you go back. You fix it.
Say something wrong and lose things, people. Irreparable mark-up. Damage. No edit function.
Or not irreparable, but done. Cannot be undone. Only more words help, the right words.
Mark doesn’t know the right words. He’s clumsy. Light on his feet but a bumbling oaf over the short distance from his brain to his mouth.
I want you to stay should come out of his mouth. It’s in his brain. Running, buzzing, humming. An infinite loop of
Don’t leave me behind.
and
Please. Please don’t leave me. Please do not go.
Do you? Do you just say it like that? Can you?
Mark Cannot. Can. Not.
So: hack. Download. Compile. Code. Clear, precise language he knows how to speak better than anybody. Builds real, measurable things of use. Value. But
An algorithm.
A memento. Before the drift accelerates and Eduardo is too far away. A piece of him tucked into all that code where it cannot move or change, where it cannot be corrupted. Where it cannot be broken.
Unlike dreams or promises. Hearts. People.
Mark.
Who is broken and cannot be fixed.
Open window. Ctl+f. Delete. Fixed.
And it stays that way.
No change. No drift. No punch. No leaving.
Fixed.
Perfect.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-12 04:31 pm (UTC)This is incredible.
It's poetry, really. I absolutely adore it. Seriously. I don't know how to explain how much I loved this, and I don't even know WHY I loved it so much, because it's so simple, but that works, it really works. Ugh, I can't get over it.
"If Mark were a final club he’d punch Eduardo a soon as was decent. He’d take Eduardo
Away.
Eduardo will get punched and Mark wont and Eduardo will go, drift, leave."
How marvellous.
You know when you read something and you realy really really wish that you'd been the one who wrote it? Yes, I feel that way about this.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-20 12:17 pm (UTC)Thank you :)
(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-12 06:55 pm (UTC)Just... flawless.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-20 12:18 pm (UTC)Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-12 07:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-20 12:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-12 10:02 pm (UTC)appropriate icon is appropriate.This is so utterly wonderful. Complete and utter genius. I love the disjointed, code-ish aspect to it. You've captured that awkward attempt to convert code into English perfectly.
I'm in complete awe of this. I think you've really hit Mark's personality on the head. He doesn't know how to go from code to 'human' and the idea of messing up, of lacking that "Open window. Ctl+f. Delete. Fixed." as you describe, in real life.
Amazing.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-20 12:22 pm (UTC)And. Well, then it's all just shit.
Not like your comment! Which was lovely!
:D
(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-13 12:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-20 12:23 pm (UTC)/0\
WHAT. ARE. YOU. SERIOUSLY TELL ME SO I CAN GET SURGERY AND BECOME ONE!
Date: 2011-04-14 12:39 pm (UTC)as*
That's the only piece of constructive criticism I have to offer here because this. THIS IS A PHENOM.
I CANNOT EVEN FULLY EXPRESS WHAT THIS DOES TO MY HEART AND SOUL AND BRAIN AND STOMACH. BECAUSE THERE IS TOO MUCH. WORDS CANNOT CAPTURE IT ALL.
BUT LIKE. I QUOTED YOU. AND I COULD DO IT WITH THIS WHOLE FIC. I AM SO IN LOVE WITH IT, SERIOUSLY. MARK CODING TO DISTRACT HIMSELF IS CANON AND YOU EXPLAIN IT IMPECCABLY, FLAWLESSLY. IN A WAY THAT I THINK NOBODY REALLY HAS.
CODE AS SOMETHING MARK CAN DO BETTER THAN HUMAN INTERACTION BECAUSE YOU CAN ALWAYS GO BACK, ALWAYS FIX IT, IF IT'S CODE. IF IT'S A RELATIONSHIP YOU CAN INPUT INCORRECTLY AND THE WHOLE THING, IT'S GONE. NO CTRL-Z TO FIX IT AND KEEP WHAT MEANT SO MUCH TO YOU.
I REALLY THINK YOU NAILED MARK. LIKE SERIOUSLY. IF SORKIN'S MARK HIMSELF WERE TO WRITE A FIC IN THIRD PERSON, THIS IS WHAT IT WOULD SOUND LIKE. VERBATIM.
AND THAT PART. ABOUT PUTTING WARDO INTO THE CODE SO HE CAN'T BE CORRUPTED OR BROKEN, NOT LIKE HEARTS AND RELATIONSHIPS AND MARK HIMSELF.
SO. PERFECT. PERFECT ISN'T EVEN ENOUGH OF A WORD FOR THIS BRILLIANCE. ♥
Re: WHAT. ARE. YOU. SERIOUSLY TELL ME SO I CAN GET SURGERY AND BECOME ONE!
Date: 2011-04-20 12:41 pm (UTC)*GLOWS*
As for me-surgery, I'd say all you have to do is not write for ages and ages and then letitalloutatonce. Like a dude who hasn't beaten off in a while. Fairly non-invasive.
But, er. Sort of gross.
Re: WHAT. ARE. YOU. SERIOUSLY TELL ME SO I CAN GET SURGERY AND BECOME ONE!
Date: 2011-04-20 12:46 pm (UTC):grinning:
BAHAHAHAHAHA. YOU ARE UM. FANTASTIC. ♥
Re: WHAT. ARE. YOU. SERIOUSLY TELL ME SO I CAN GET SURGERY AND BECOME ONE!
Date: 2011-04-20 12:49 pm (UTC)I am actually a big fan of your comments on fics :D
Re: WHAT. ARE. YOU. SERIOUSLY TELL ME SO I CAN GET SURGERY AND BECOME ONE!
Date: 2011-04-20 12:55 pm (UTC)You are too sweet. REMEMBER THAT I CAN LURK AND LOVE IT TOO THOUGH.
With great power comes great responsibility that I cannot always handle...
(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-16 08:08 am (UTC)Mark doesn’t know the right words. He’s clumsy. Light on his feet but a bumbling oaf over the short distance from his brain to his mouth.
♥
(no subject)
Date: 2011-04-20 12:26 pm (UTC)I'm glad you liked it :D